Blibber Blabber

No rhyme, no reason

 

Gratia Placenti, the anthology that features my story, "Follow the Canary", has made it to the preliminary ballot of the Bram Stoker Awards for "Superior Achievement in an Anthology".  Whoo-hoo!  Some big name competition in that category (Gary Braunbeck, Ellen Datlow, and William Jones, among others), but I'll be rooting for it all the same to make it to the final ballot.

And win, of course. :D

posted by: athenawj at 06:31 | link | comments |
writing

Brace-Free

I got my braces off yesterday.  A completely weird and tense experience.  I felt thisclose to a panic attack while she was scraping the glue off my upper teeth-- the sound is so incredibly loud and jarring that you just want to scream, "Forget it!!  I'll live with the glue!!"  And then the polishing to take off any remaining glue... for some reason, I got dizzy as soon as the little gizmo started going.  I swear, I thought I was going to topple over when I got out of the chair.

And then, the denouement: handing me the mirror so I could see my teeth, sans braces.  All I could think was, "Eeewww."  I did NOT like my teeth.  I lied and said I did.  They looked weird, not normal... of course, after thirty-seven years, why would they?

A few hours later, I liked them.  They look perty.  They feel very clean.

Wearing the retainer's not pleasant.  With the exception of eating, brushing my teeth, and things like talking on the phone, skydiving*, etc., I need to wear them for six weeks.  I kept waking up during the night because of the soreness.  Ugh.  Putting them in is a nightmare, it hurts so much.  I'm told this'll pass, too, but gah, it's torture snapping them in.

Perhaps I'll take a picture.  You would laugh if I posted an audio file of me talking.  "She sells sea shells down by the sea shore" is hilarious.

*My ortho thinks he's a comedian.

posted by: athenawj at 06:23 | link | comments (5) |

It's weird- I keep running into Etsy artists here in town.  I've met a couple at art and crafts shows, and yesterday I was at the gallery, picking up my dolls, when I overheard a conversation between M. and another woman.  I recognized the girl as someone who'd hearted me at Etsy the other day, so she and I started talking.  I really love her work-- she works on wood just like I do, though she paints right on it.  Here's a link to her Etsy shop.

My latest piece is looking very much like a gigantic red tomato woman.  Not what I'd intended, but interesting.

I cannot seem to get warm in this house.  When they put in central heat and air, they fucked up this room and cut two holes for vents, yet only connected shafts to one.  That vent's right under the window, which I need to keep open some because I smoke in here.  So, I'm generally cold or hot, depending on the weather.

I watched the premiere of "Breaking Bad" on AMC last night.  I really like Bryan Cranston (the dad on "Malcolm in the Middle"), and always thought he was underappreciated on that show, so it's nice to see him in the lead here.  Good show, too, and dark.  It's about a middle-aged high school chemistry teacher, married with one child on the way and a teenage son with cerebral palsy, who can't make ends meet.  Then he finds out he has inoperable cancer, and decides to start making crystal meth, using a former high school student as his dealer. This is (I gather from what I read) so he can leave his family with some money after he dies.  Check it out.

 

posted by: athenawj at 08:10 | link | comments |
art , television

Well, after visiting the venue yesterday, I've changed my plans.  For one thing, I'm waiting on the answer to: "Do I have to hang my stuff from the ceiling like the current artist has?"  I mean, my goodness, I can just imagine the panic attack I'll have while atop a ladder.  Plus, I don't like the idea of hanging my heavy works right next to tables filled with people sipping lattes.  I can just imagine the lawsuits when they fall on them...

So, small works, and not too many, because there isn't enough room.  A bit of relief there.

posted by: athenawj at 09:11 | link | comments |

There are just some times where you're hit with the gratifying feeling that yes, you ARE an artist!

I got my butt on the ball and worked on, finished my first piece for my solo show.  I am SO SO SO happy with it, you would not believe.  It's four feet by two feet, mixed media on wood- easily the biggest piece I've ever done.  I took it outside this morning (oo, below freezing- not Alaska freezing ;), but cold enough for me to take those pictures quick), snapped the pix, and here they are. 

"Meditation in Pink"

It's cropped a little- you can't see that the hair bubbles over the top of the piece.  And now I see that my side ribbon's a little crooked, but that's okay.

Closer look:

It's really nice when a finished piece has 90% of its original vision.  That side ribbon wasn't planned, but the rest is.  SO SO SO happy!

Today, I'm off to see the space, so I can get a better idea of how much to make, then I'm going to start on "Contemplation in Red".  Then I'm making three pieces for the gallery in town.  As M. the owner says, she wants me to make lots of money so I can "go to Disney anytime you want!"

Heh.

ETA: More thoughts... While yesterday was a very good day for obvious reasons, it also turned into another hurtful one that left me sobbing for a couple of minutes.  When exactly did it become the norm in society that if you do something you love, something artistic, it's not productive or worthy?

For a few years now, it's been occasionally "pointed out to me" that I don't "do anything".  It's been said that since I don't pay the bills, I shouldn't have a voice (and it's not who you might think that's said this to me).  Both statements are incredibly hurtful, and really make me doubt my worthiness.  On the flip side, it pushed me to work harder, but still, it seems it's never going to be recognized that even though I am good at art and writing, and I do love it, it's not really hard work.

I don't know if it's looked at as just farting around, or playing around, or getting away with doing stuff that's better left to people who rake in the dough.  Beats me.

I don't think it will ever change that there are people in my life that I want to be proud of me (does that sentence even work?).  I also don't think it'll change that no matter what, that won't change.  And that's the problem, right there.

posted by: athenawj at 08:06 | link | comments (1) |
art , the seriousness of it all

Chivalry is Not Dead

I went to Lowe's yesterday to pick out my lumber for my art.  After probably twenty minutes of triple-checking my list, picking out the appropriate sizes of boards, getting splinters and cuts in my hands, and hauling everything on one of those flat carts up to checkout, I trudged all the way across the parking lot with my twenty-seven pieces.  It was about thirty-five degrees, and I only had on my jeans, one long-sleeved shirt, and one short-sleeved one (shoes, too).  Since I don't spend much time outside the car when it's cold like that, I don't generally wear much more than a sweater, but I figured this time, I was gonna have blue fingers by the time I was done.

I was scrounging around in my purse for my keys when I hear, "Here- I'll help you load that up."  I look up to see a middle-aged man in a hard hat and safety vest.  After I finally found my keys (god damn bottomless vessels), he proceeded to load each and every piece into Mr. Calm's car.  I did help, handing many of them over, but he arranged them nicely, all the while chatting about art and how he builds bridges, but they end up throwing quite a bit of lumber away (a sad thing...).

He even took the cart back to the store for me.  Now, I'm far from being someone who says, "Oh, woe is me, I'm a WOMAN", but that was really nice and unexpected.  And seriously appreciated.

***

I think I've picked out all my photography pieces for my solo show.  You can find them in my blog on my Myspace page.

***

I've watched "3:10 to Yuma" again several times since getting the DVD.  DAMN, that's a fantastic movie.  I also rewatched "The Triplets of Belleville", one of my all-time favorite movies, and am inspired to draw my own version of the triplets.  A frog will be included (you have to see the movie to get that). 

***

I'm bored.  See what I do to myself?  I have a shitload of stuff to do, and I'm bored.

I think, perhaps, it's called laziness.

posted by: athenawj at 08:36 | link | comments (1) |
art , photography, movies, thanks

The printer came yesterday.  Un-frickin-believable.  I wasn't even excited to see it, although I'm happy it's here, it's working, and I'm again able to print.  To WORK.

What was nicer was that I got my check from the gallery for two months' worth of sales, so now I can sketch out my ideas so far and go get my supplies.  WAHOO to that!

Brisk weather today- just about fifty degrees- and it's not raining, so I'm heading out for my little field trip.

Getting better at the yoga for my abs, and still loving the tap DVD, though I seem to be stuck on one of the steps.  Just can't get my feet to move that fast.  YET.

Shaped up to be a pretty good week. :)

posted by: athenawj at 06:29 | link | comments (1) |
art

Today is the day I wait on my printer. 

Oh, yeah.  We all know how I'm feeling about that.

I've resolved to take myself on a couple of field trips every month.  I sicken myself now, sitting in this house all the time.  Tomorrow I'm going to relax with a coffee in a coffehouse near the gallery, then walk around the neighborhood with my cameras for a little bit.  The area's so darn cute and kitschy, I think I'll get some good pix.

Lordy above, a miracle happened: OD found a friend to go to Japan with.  A boy (gay, so it's okay) she's been good friends with since sixth grade.  His mom was nervous at first, but then decided that it would be a great experience for him.  Hopefully they'll remember to get his passport soon.  I'm still nervous about her going around the world, but at least she'll be with someone now.  I need to save a little money so she can bring me souvenirs.

OD filled out her college applications last night.  Has to take them to her guidance counselor this morning.  I had a major bawling session in the shower the other day: just hit me like a load of bricks.  I'm always going to be her mom, but it won't be the same once she leaves home, and I'm going to miss that.  Of course, it's also everything I couldn't give her, things I didn't do right during her life, etc.  I'm trying to stave off a meltdown. I've heard how hard this is from my mom, who went through it three times, but nothing that's said prepares you for it.

As anyone knows who's read this blog, I'm always looking for a different way to exercise, because I hate it so damn much.  I started doing twenty minutes of yoga in the mornings: ten minutes of "relax and rejuvenate" and ten minutes of "yoga for abs" (ugh, so hard!  But satisfying).  The past three evenings, I've done parts of my "I Hate to Exercise, I Love to Tap!" DVD.  Anyone remember Bonnie Franklin from One Day at a Time?  She teaches how to tap on this one (it's from 1984, but it's not cheesy or anything).

I've wanted to tap since I was a little girl.  Now I'm so uncoordinated I'm loathe to go take a class, but I LOVE this DVD!  Wow, I love doing this, and I like BF's style and manner.  I'm going to go get a piece of plywood, though, because my sneakers keep catching the carpet during the shuffles.  No, I haven't bought taps yet, but she says you can even do it in your socked feet if you want.

Yay.  I might just learn somethin' new yet.

posted by: athenawj at 06:23 | link | comments (2) |

I went out and took a bunch of pictures of OD yesterday (you can find them in my flickr photostream).  Thank goodness for digital.  I love the capability of being able to take a ton of pix and not worry about all the money I'm spending on processing.  So, I took a lot, and managed to get five great pictures.

I know I'm going to sound like a sad old sap, but I've felt like such an ugly duck most of my life that it's strange that I've produced such beautiful creatures.  And that sentence in itself sounds pretty weird, heh.

Of course, as soon as I ask YD to come look, she starts complaining about how I have all these pix of OD, why am I always taking pictures of HER?, why don't I ever put makeup on her and take pictures?  She's out of her mind, of course, forgetting that she jumps into pictures sometimes, and is always ready for a pose- the complete opposite of her older sister.  But there's no pleasing a teenager sometimes.

I am mounting work for a big DVD photo slideshow with music for OD's 18th birthday in two months.  It's the scanning that's going to take up the biggest chunk of time.  Thank goodness I got a new scanner that zaps 'em in six seconds flat (I counted).  I hope she likes it.  I want to make her cry, heh.

This morning we find out the fate of my replacement printer.  Good God, I'll dissolve into a ranting mess if we have to wait any longer.

On tap this week: doing more drawings and at least getting them scanned in; scanning photographs; trying out a new DVD; and taking some Barbie pictures.  And getting back into a more normal routine once the girls go back to school tomorrow.  Yay!

posted by: athenawj at 07:51 | link | comments (2) |
art , photography

Argh, I just want a peaceful day.  Go out with my husband and a camera or two, take some shots, walk around.  Sometimes I worry the stress will get me.

I have news but no news on the family front.  I made my feelings known to one person, and deleted an unread email from another.  I got the email on a too-stressful day, and perhaps it was childish, but I couldn't, wouldn't deal with it.  Plus, there's nothing I really want to read or hear.

Yes, I'm being purposely vague.  I told my mom last night that it was two things that are making me give up right now: one, like I've already said, I moved down here.  I extended invitations of my own.  I try my damndest to make sure people don't feel excluded.  I've jumped through enough hoops.  Two: although it's probably not the right analogy, I liken it to how you can't have your cake and eat it, too.  Don't act one way 80% of the time and then act another the rest.  It sadly begins to invalidate the 80%.

I do tend to analyze things to much; it fucks with my sleep and takes over when I don't keep myself busy.  But I don't feel I'm being overdramatic.

***

Why can't Britney Spears be put away,  help forced on her?  I'm way too old to be caring about this, but I read the articles anyway.  There is clearly something wrong with her, and I feel to death for those babies.  Now she's been taken away in an ambulance after a drunken standoff with her ex and the police.  I guess my question is a moot one, gauging by those on the streets who couldn't be put in an hospital, either.

***

I don't know how I feel about the Iowa primaries. I'm glad Edwards still has a chance.  Yes, I'm putting out there my candidate of choice.  I get to vote on February 5.  You bet your ass I'll be there.

***

I'm such a Northern girl.  God, how I wish sometimes we hadn't left.  We lived in a town of 40,000, not too big in area, a town set against coves and inlets, with wharfs and 300-year-old Colonials and a little boardwalk at the end of town complete with a merry-go-round and Skee-ball games (I am SO good at Skee-ball!).  It was the epitome of a walking town, one of those places that you'd run into someone you knew every time you went out.  We had our common, and crooked cow-paths-turned-roads, and four seasons, and snowsnowsnow.  And if we got tired of small town life, it was only twenty-five minutes on the train down to Boston.  Twenty minutes up the coast was one of our favorite places, a working farm and orchard where they made their own wine and had their own picking fields.  People came from miles around for their cider doughnuts.  An ornery flock of geese occupied one of the ponds, and an over-woolly sheep would come and stand right next to you and wait to be petted.  There, I saw a turd of a boy chase a group of quail.  I saw those quail turn around and chase him back.

There were reasons that I moved from Salem.  I missed my family, though everyone moved after I came back.  People in the south are friendlier and more polite than those in the north, and it's VERY hard to get used to-- I don't know that you ever do if you know the difference.  Perhaps I've idealized it in my mind.  But I still miss it.  I miss my skinnier body, kept somewhat toned by all the walking.  I miss my church (sort of... I hear it's changed a lot, so I may not have stayed in the end) and all my friends.  I miss bundling up and walking in the snow; if you've ever taken the time to do that, you find that it's one of the most peaceful activities.  I miss taking the train. I wish I hadn't taken my girls from there.  I miss the buffeteria run by Greek brothers that we used to eat at and meet friends for coffee; I miss the witch museums and shops and how the whole town* got into Halloween- hell, sometimes I even miss the 30,000 Halloweenies that invaded Salem in October.

I, like so many others, am a smart  person who sometimes makes really stupid decisions.  We'll never go back because Mr. Calm couldn't stand the winters, though he's long past the time where he has to trek across town in below-freezing temperatures to catch the train to Boston for work (and I really do think that's what keeps him from going too far north, the memory of that that's never going to become live again).  Like I said, Smart Person=Occasional Stupid Decision.  But I have to live with that.

*I don't think the many members of the cult Boston Church of Christ enjoyed it too much.

posted by: athenawj at 07:14 | link | comments (3) |
memories, real blibber blabber

Update

Mr. Calm talked with the case manager this morning.  By way of an apology, we now have a two-year extended warranty on the printer that's coming... sometime.  While he was talking with her, she found out that the delivery date was now February 1, but he said that was too long (duh).  She didn't know why the production was so slow.

Anyway, she offered to overnight a printer that only used six inks instead of eight, was small, and didn't have the archival quality I need, so we passed.  I mean, I got a printer with eight inks and 13x19 printing capability because that's what I need.  Mr. Calm asked for two options: either we order the printer from Amazon and we're reimbursed, or HP orders it on their own.  She asked for the weekend to figure it out, but he said she was fairly sure that one or the other request would be honored.

So, we'll see on Monday.  Fingers, toes, knees, elbows crossed.

Actually, that's a little hard today.  I did twenty minutes of yoga this morning and didn't stretch like I should have beforehand.

posted by: athenawj at 15:57 | link | comments (2) |

HP Sucks!!!

I will.  NEVER.  buy Hewlett-Packard products again.  Despite how I love the quality of my printer when it's working, you couldn't force me to buy anything from the company again.

1. Printer's paper sensor breaks on 12/12/07.  Call HP, get misrouted to MAC technical support, told that there's a bit of a backorder, but if I pay $30+ for expedited shipping, I can get a replacement by the 19th.  Am given a web address to check the status of the shipment and for a FedEx tracking number.
2.  Close up my shops until the 19th.  A week's worth of business lost.
3. Check the web page on the 19th.  The date's been changed to the 31st.  Speak to a customer service rep in India who has no idea what I'm talking about, repeatedly telling me the charge never went through and no printers are available.  I ask to speak to a manager, a supervisor, ANYONE in charge, and she finally tells me she'll put me through to a case manager.  I am NOT, instead speaking to another tech rep, who, after some investigation, tells me that I shouldn't have been told that information on the 12th, and that I'll get my printer "on or before December 31st". 
4. I close up my shops for the Christmas holidays.  I'm also unable to fulfil two commissions.
5. Checking the web page on 12/31, I find that the delivery date's been changed to 1/2/2008.  I call to find out why this is so.  Customer service AGAIN cannot help, and I am once more routed to technical support, who tells me that the printer has been shipped, and to check the web page after "4 p.m." to get the tracking number.
6.  I check.  No tracking number.
7.  By 1/2, there is still no number, so I call customer service again.  I am on hold for quite a while; she comes back on and tells me that there are no printers in stock.  She also tells me that I have 35 days left on my warranty.  I demand to speak to someone else.  The next person does her own investigating (and I don't even KNOW what department she's in), and tells me to check the web page; the tracking number should be there.  It's not.  She tells me that it's early in the morning (ten a.m.), and that the printer SHOULD arrive that day, though she cannot tell me why the other woman said there were none in stock, and stops short of promising me that it will be there.  She also doesn't have access to the tracking number.
8.  I change the reopening date of my shops to January 5.
9. I check the web page at 3 p.m.  The delivery date is now 1/16/2008.  Frustrated and in tears, I ask Mr. Calm to handle the phone call for me.  He is on the phone for a total of two and a half hours, and speaks to no less than nine people; this is partly because one of our phones die in the middle of a conversation.
10. While on the phone, he checks Amazon.  They have my printer in stock.  In one of the coolest moves ever, while on hold he uses his cell phone to call HP's sales department and pretends to be interested in buying 5 printers.  They are available and ready to ship.  This is right before a customer service rep tells him that MY printer cannot be shipped because it's getting a "quality check" at the factory.  No one satisfactorily answers why, if they are available elsewhere, ONE cannot be shipped to me immediately.  No one cares either that this is killing my business.
11. He is transferred from department to department.  No one has an answer, and in fact, one person has no idea what a "case manager" is.  The phone dies.
12.  He is forced to call customer service again.  The guy tells him that my warranty is over 90 days expired, a direct conflict with what I was told earlier.  He also cannot explain why this is in conflict with the "one-year manufacturer's warranty" that came with the printer.
13.  Finally, Mr. Calm says that "no offense, but I don't want to talk to you," and after some wrangling, FINALLY gets transferred to the case managers' department.  They are about to close for the day, and the one we need to speak to is busy, but he is given a direct number, and told to call back tomorrow.

There is NO excuse for a company to behave this way.  I understand backorders, but none of the rest of it.  I've already written to HP telling them of all this, and that I will NEVER buy their products again- I'm giving my business to Epson.  I also did a lot of searching and found a lot of people who've had horrid customer service from this company.  I'm sending a letter to HP corporate headquarters as well, and if this shit continues, the Attorney General's office (who are so cool in their own right; you make a complaint, they get right on it).  Quality aside, this is my own warning to you.  Think about it hard before you buy HP.

***

In better news, I made some damn good bean and bacon soup last night.  Almost as good as Campbell's.  Can't take credit for the recipe, though.

posted by: athenawj at 07:38 | link | comments (4) |
bullshit